Politeness is having or showing behaviour that is respectful and considerate of other people. As Josh Billings(19th-century American writer) said: Politeness is better than logic. You can often persuade when you cannot convince.
3 important Rules of Politeness:
1. Don't impose
2. Give options
3. Make the other person feel good
What do most people want?
I need to be accepted, respected and treated fairly.
I need to be independent and free to make my own decisions.
Consider each situation
1. What is my objective?
2. What is the objective of the other person?
3. Will polite language help me achieve my objective?
4. Will polite language have a positive effect on the other person?
People want to save face not lose face. Politeness isn't suitable for every situation.
POLITENESS PRINCIPLE NUMBER 1
This principle states that when giving your opinion, show some uncertainty. If you seem certain and 100% sure when you speak, you may sound as though you are imposing your opinions, ideas, knowledge and intelligence on other people.
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POLITENESS PRINCIPLE NUMBER 2
There are two parts to this principle:
1. Use indirect questions to sound more polite
2. Use question tags to sound more polite.
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POLITENESS PRINCIPLE NUMBER 3
You need to credit the other person with some knowledge and intelligence and respect them as a mature, professional and successful person.
When we provide information, make it seem as if the other person already knows it. You could do this by saying:
Of course, she works in a bank, you know.
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POLITENESS PRINCIPLE NUMBER 4
When we make a mistake and we are corrected, we can feel pretty stupid Nobody actually likes being corrected.
It’s essential to correct people in a sensitive way so they don’t lose face.
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POLITENESS PRINCIPLE NUMBER 5
reluctant (adj): not willing to do something and therefore slow to do it
If somebody makes a suggestion that I disagree with, I can use less direct language.
I don’t really feel like trying it. I’m not so keen on spicy food.
When somebody says something that you disagree with, it’s polite to show that you are not happy or comfortable with disagreeing with them.
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POLITE PRINCIPLE NUMBER 6
In general, commands and orders should be avoided if you want to sound polite.
Direct commands are sometimes necessary (soldiers, parents, bosses) but if you don’t know someone very well and you don’t have a close relationship with them, it’s probably best not to use orders and commands, especially if you want to to do something for you.
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